My son got his braces off the other day, and I was more emotional than him. All the shit parts that I experienced as a kid happened during the years my teeth were messed up.
❌ violent, alcoholic stepdad
❌ constantly moving from low income apartments to friend’s basements, sometimes multiple times in a single year
❌ and on, and on…
That’s why I’m lumping so much into this story about his braces.
See the left pic? My teeth matched his at that age, hiding them when I’d smile.
My son will never know those insecurities, which I’m grateful for. On the other side of him not knowing the school insults about crooked teeth, I had to put him in check the other day.
I get nothing but parents going out of their way to compliment on how well behaved he is. But when it’s just his friends, and being just short of a teenager, friends run their mouth among other friends.
Last week, driving him and some friends around in the car, one kid started talking about a girl with crooked teeth. I politely chimed in saying it’s not respectful to talk behind people’s back.
Once his friends left for home I was more stern with my kid. I’m not doubting the girl may have crooked teeth, so why don’t he go say it to her face. Then see how proud of himself he is.
I was quick to remind him that the kid he was just talking shit about was his dad at that age. And if his dad didn’t want to give him the gift of braces and saved insults at his earliest opportunity, he was also talking shit about himself, the kid that he would still have crooked teeth, too.
Because of financial instability in my family, with school almost over, insults having ran their course, I didn’t receive braces until my senior year of high school.
I was super excited. My biggest insecurity was now on the path to resolution. But, further embarrassment was in store.
The orthodontist left me idle for months. I finally found out why. My mom wasn’t in a position to make payments, so they stopped scheduling me to come in.
At 17, I had to figure out how to start paying off my own braces.
When you’re a kid, everything is normal. You don’t know anything outside of what you experience.
What are normal parental obligations? What does financial stability look like? Does it exist?
Everything I went through as a kid, it makes or breaks you.
I chose to commit to financial security. Security for myself, but that wasn’t the end goal. It was the stepping stone for my future family. They were the goal to protect.
To give some credit, there was always food on the table as a kid. But all the shit years of my childhood were during the exact years my teeth were jacked, and me choosing to not be a victim, and find a way to pay for them myself was the catalyst to where I am now.
As I type this in real-time, emotions are interesting. What was meant to be a post about pride, and still is, can sure stir up the past.
The things that I went through as a kid make or break you as an adult. BY FAR, it breaks most.
But before my twenties, and with certainty in my head, I chose that it was going to MAKE me.
The fuel that drove me more than saving myself was saving my future wife and kids. Setting them up meant digging myself out.
With no mentor, I saw that I could learn from others’ mistakes to get the same positive outcome. I practically line itemed every negative experience in my head as a kid and committed to doing the opposite.
- financial insecurity
- domestic violence
- victim mentality
- gaslighting
I guess I give all that back story to give contrast to how proud I am to break generational chains.
To give a giant 🖕🏻 to the unpleasant circumstances placed up on children that they don’t deserve.
Something as little as my son’s braces may translate to something else for your life.
You parents doing what you have to do… you’re under-recognized. Keep marching forward. You’re literally changing the world for generations to come.
The kudos, if you’re lucky to get any, pale in comparison to the real reward. There is no greater reward than successfully breaking chains for your kids, whatever chains they may be.
